Phenomenal

I am lucky to have phenomenal women in my life. I recognize that not everyone has friendships and sisterhood where people not only love and care for you but who will tell you the truth. I have women in my life who will listen to me, let me vent, let me cry, and let me have a moment. I am doubly blessed to not just have friends who support me but I have sorority sisters as well. I read a post about finding your tribe. I have not only found mine, but best of all, it is phenomenal.

I was brought up not to be in competition with anyone, especially other women. As such, I try my best to give good advice that is based on where the other person is versus what I think is best. When I see my friends succeed I get true joy from it. There have been many times where friends and sisters have thanked me for helping then and said that they have accomplished something because of me. I never let them give me credit for their accomplishments. Helping someone is not something I ever need to be thanked for or be given credit as if I had done the work. I have seen special people in my life get new jobs, graduate from college, be accepted to graduate school, find love, rekindle love, move, have kids, and so much more. I love to see them happy and succeeding.

I try to pass on to younger women the beauty of being good friends. I try to reinforce what a real friend is. It is not the person who tells you what you want to hear; a real friend will tell you the truth even if you do not want to hear it. As I write this I can think of a time where my friends or sisters have told me what I had done wrong or needed to do better. There is no stronger friendship than that which comes with truth and honesty. However there a lot of people who only like “yes” men and women. People who smile in their face with the “yes girl, you are so right,” and any other happy, positive feedback they can muster. But, how good is a friend if you can’t trust their word?

I was speaking with a friend a few weeks about another one of our friends who got a great job and moved away. She asked me if I was going to her wedding and we were talking about her great opportunity and how excited we were for all of the amazing changes in her life. She was telling me about another one of her friends. She went on to say that when there was a job opportunity locally her “friend” told her she did not think she was ready, and she discouraged her from applying. I was telling my friend that I did not understand that. I would never discourage anyone or tell them to play small. My friend shared my sentiments, she too could not understand discouraging her from going after the job opportunity. As women, we should hold each other back. If you truly feel your friend is not ready for a new opportunity, you should help them plan for their next step, not hold them back and think that is ok.

I used to work at a nonprofit after I graduated from undergrad. My first boss was a selfish woman who was abusing fund. When the board realized what was going on and she knew that they were getting ready to let her go she tried to get me to go with her. I was just out of undergrad and I could not afford to lose my job. I told her I could not leave. She treated me horribly after that, even yelled at me at the front desk on the day. I went to the bathroom and cried. I looked at myself in the mirror and I said I would never let another boss do that to me and that I would never treat anyone that way.

The boss that came after her did something worse. There was a position that I could have applied for with another organization. She did not want me to leave so she told me that I should not apply for it because I would not do a good job. Being young and impressionable I believe than an older Latina would not lead me astray. She made me doubt myself and my abilities which was far more damaging than being yelled at. That is why I am committed to helping other women. I do not want any woman that I know to be discouraged from pursuing something they want to do or try. I do not want any other woman to be made to feel like she should doubt herself, her intelligence, her abilities, her skills, her talents.

I am working very hard to raise my daughter to be the same way, to support and encourage her friends. I do not want anyone to do to her what was done to me. So far, even at seven, she has demonstrated her kindness, compassion, and leadership to her friends. She will be better prepared to take on women who bring down other women.