Time Heals All

Time can move so slowly at times and others it simply flies by. In the blink of my, I am 41 years old. My gray hair is out of control, I’m even starting to get them in my eyebrows and arm hair. That is how you know that you are legit old when your body hair grays. J I remember thinking when was in my early 20s that 40 seemed so old and look at me now. I am the old lady and I have the body pains to prove it. It is strange to recognize that I am in the second half of my life. I am certainly trying to make it memorable but I can’t help but to feel this looming sense of the end. My mortality is more real with each passing day. I envy people who live life to the fullest and who are not afraid to die. I wish I was more like them.

I look at my daughter and I am reminded of just how fast time goes by. It seems like yesterday she was a baby and now she is seven going on eight. She has a big personality, she is funny, kind, and has more energy than I can muster. She is truly amazing and a gift. I love looking at her beautiful face and notice the things that have changed and what has stayed the same. I find myself looking at young women in their late teens and early 20s who resemble her and I wonder what my cutie will look like. I am sure they think I am a creepy when they see me staring, but I am just thinking about my baby and what she may look like in a few years.

Time goes by slowly when you have something you really want to do. If you are going on vacation, if a friend is coming for a visit, or if you made a spa appointment. There are many things that make the minutes drag on. Time is also slow when you are ready for a change. When you want to move, looking for a new job, trying to lose weight, you might as well be a turtle. This is where I am at now, in the slow to change part. I have been thinking about my career and next steps but everything is progressing 5 miles per hour. I see more in my head. I think I can do more, I feel that I am ready for more today, not tomorrow, right now.

I searched a lot in 2015 with little luck. I did have some successes that I am very grateful for but I want more, a significant next step. I am making the most of this year, starting in January and I pray that it will pay off. I am hoping my time starts moving a little faster with some exciting changes. I used to carry a quote on my wallet, “a year from now you’ll wish you would have started today” by Karen Lamb. I have lived this truth many times. I am going to push myself to start today and keep pushing through so that I am not disappointed a year from now. I want to proactive and keep working towards my goals no matter how slow the process feels. There is greatness ahead, I just have to stay the course.